There were no signs on the bus shelters for men like me.
There were no messages of hope for men like me.
At thirty-three years old, when I went to get the help I needed, I entered myself into a system where other men had been arrested. I was the first person they ever had to be there voluntarily, let alone ask to be a part of the program. By then, I had a long history of hurting anyone that loved me.
“I’ve been in counselling since a teenager, and I should be better by now.” I thought to myself.
Later on, I discovered, counselling taught me it was because I wasn’t treated right as a child. I needed to stop drinking. It was my genetics. After more than a decade of counselling, I became disempowered, with low self-worth and low self-esteem because the focus was on the problem. As a result, I became a victim. People needed to understand me, love me, and cater to me, and when they didn’t, I was entitled to react how I wanted. I wasn’t better by a long shot.
Despite being in the program for eighteen months, I failed. When I left the program because I was moving to another city, the facilitators referred me to a similar program in that city. They said,
“You aren’t going to get better until you learn to forgive yourselves.”
I couldn’t believe they were telling me I had to forgive myself. They never hurt the people they loved as I did. How could they ask me that?
After moving, I began the following program, but I still struggled, and if you asked the people I loved, they would say in some ways I got worse.
I was invited to a men’s community group. Where men walked alongside men with the same goals and visions for their lives and their families’ lives. The guidance, mentorship, accountability and community began to impact my life positively. Being in a place of safety allowed me to look at myself honestly for the first time in a long time. Being free of the shame, I could come to the place to forgive myself.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was surrounded by a group of men coaching me, cheering me on, helping me. In this group, the real change happened. I shared the real Roy Mitton with these men for the first time. The dirty, the ugly and everything in between. Now I am paying it forward.
Since 2009 I have dedicated my life to helping relationships and families through my struggles. I can help these people because I have been there, done it, and came out the other side.
Is there something you have gone through that you can help others with? What experience do you have that you can share with others?
I became a Certified Flourishing Life Coach because there were no signs on the bus shelters for men like me. There were no messages of hope for men like me.
You can be a message of hope to someone!
About the Author
Co-Founder and Ministry Director of Your Thriving Family and Masquerade Ministries.
For over a decade, Roy Mitton has been on the frontline helping families and individuals get from where they are to where they want to be. Roy is known for his passion and unwavering support, and is a Certified Flourishing Life Coach, authority in Domestic Abuse Intervention (DAIP Certified), and a Licensed Minister.
Along with his wife, Tiffany, Roy founded Masquerade Ministries and Your Thriving Family in 2009, which are organizations committed to creating thriving families, couples and individuals through healthy relationships.
Roy runs multiple group coaching experiences: Beyond Belief, Peacemakers, Free to Be Me, and Overcomers. These are transformational communities that are focused on going beyond limiting beliefs, developing the skills and mindsets that create limitless possibilities to flourish.
Roy has a unique approach that positively impacts those he helps. His skills, coupled with overcoming such life struggles as family abuse and life experience transformation, make Roy an invaluable asset to be on your team.
Roy is excited about being a Facilitator for the Certified Flourishing Coaching™ Program because he can see that as people, leaders, relationships, families and businesses flourish, this transformation can catalyze a global shift in how we interact, relate, and overcome. Roy will facilitate the Certified Flourishing Coaching™ Program in Central Alberta.
Roy currently calls Red Deer, Alberta, his home and lives with Tiffany and their two children.