Trauma is the condition you’re left in after a disturbing or distressing experience. Many people use the terms trauma and wounds interchangeably. However, they are not the same. For example, if you—God forbid—get into a car accident, the injuries you sustain are the wounds, while the trauma is the months of recovery after the fact. To me, trauma changes the potential of who you could be. 

Pocket of Pain

Trauma is a relatively new tag word. We typically describe trauma as a pocket of pain—it sits in us. What I know about trauma is that it has a root cause. It has an age, an emotion, and a place where it lives in the body. It has a story and a memory, and it leaves a legacy. And this understanding helps me uncover the root causes of pain in the lives of my clients.

And that’s important. To heal, we have to go back to that first story. The first time you were hurt, let down, or disappointed. And that’s when we can begin to process the emotions. This also connects to the concept of how hurt has an age. 

For example, if the first time you were disappointed was when you were ten years old, and no one walked you through that, helped you to understand it, or supported you during that time, then you’ll carry that ten-year wound until you’re 50. 

And even though you may have the body of an adult, you’ll emotionally still be that hurt ten-year-old. 

Naming the Trauma 

Your words and language are powerful. It’s crucial to name the experiences in your life. An example in my own life is when I had a disagreement with a neighbour. The relationship ended after that conversation, and there was no place for redemption or forgiveness. I went to therapy about it, and she told me I was ‘dismissed, and that triggered other times I was dismissed in life.’ 

And there was something about that I thought was wrong or incomplete. So, I did some journaling. The pain wasn’t going away until I realized the right word was discarded. Dismissed was ‘she didn’t agree with my opinions’ while discarded was ‘I was no longer of value.’

So, in therapy, we went back to the root cause, and in that particular session, I had the recollection of not being wanted by Mom. She wanted to discard me as a child. In fact, there was even talk of aborting me during her pregnancy. So, it was really visceral; I had a strong physical response to that. 

All of this is to say that naming the emotion is crucial.

Trauma Effects Behaviour

The narrative you tell yourself as a result of the experiences you’ve had is critical. Because how you name a traumatic event will impact your behaviour going forward in life. Many people have disproportionate behaviours or misbehaviours as a result of unresolved trauma. That’s why I think it’s important to understand that misbehaviour doesn’t make you a bad person. 

It just means you have emotional blockages that have yet to be untangled. The degree of misbehaviour someone demonstrates is often the degree of unresolved pain they carry around. In fact, an excellent example of this is our prison system. 

The majority of people in prison today are simply people who have unhealed trauma—their pain just got bigger than what they could manage. 

Final Thoughts

We’re all affected by trauma to some degree, even if it’s not directly. Trauma can impact people who then (either consciously or unconsciously) take it out on others. For this reason, it’s critical to maintain a spirit of empathy and support for those who struggle with trauma. And that’s exactly where we at Certified Flourising Coach can help. 

Our evidence-based programs can retool you with the knowledge, strategies, and frameworks to help your clients break free from fear, let go, and move forward in life. So, if you’re ready, contact us today to learn more. 

About the Author

My story begins with being born to a 17-year-old child who was sent away from her home on announcement of my conception with my 23-year-old father. Surviving her attempt of aborting me, my mother’s coping mechanism became addiction, never recovering from the abandonment (and addictions) of both her father and mine.

I was ‘unwanted’ from conception and have spent all of my adult life recovering from that very initial trauma.

I am not a victim of that beginning, but the realities of that tough start leave me well versed in poverty, neglect, abuse (mental, physical, spiritual, and sexual) and the generational inheritance of her trauma.

My deep aspiration in this lifetime founded by my very personal healing journey lead me to my counseling and coaching education and allows me the privilege to advocate, educate and inspire changes in the way people parent today.

As the once child and now parent of 3 adult children, I have decades of wisdom from the good, bad and ugly times that I want to share with you.

I come to walk with you, beside you, having trial-and errored many, many ways of ‘being’.

I have no judgements towards the vast mistakes I have made along my way, I was simply surviving .

My ‘apparent’ failures on my journey including: leaving home at 17 (ironically the same age as my mother) to, most recently, a divorce from a 30-year marriage. These are simply the live, real-time human experiences that were my teachers, and the lessons learned were immense.

Having endured relentlessly, I am passionate about paying forward the insights I have gained to ensure something different for you and your relationships and families.

I am honest and vulnerable, I am tough but loving. I bring passion to my real-life lessons and hopefully inspire a new way of being in your life.

What a pleasure to meet you 
Sandra