Have you experienced abuse? Do you feel like the traumas of your past have defined you or influenced you? If so, you’re not alone. In fact, there were nearly 130,000 reports of family violence across Canada in 2022. These traumas are, unfortunately, a lot more common than many people think. I, myself, have a history of domestic abuse—it was generational. And when I met my wife, I decided (about six months into our relationship) that I would do something about it.
So, I got help. As a result, I was able to overcome my past and eventually start an organization (alongside my wife) called Your Thriving Family. Our ministry has now been supporting families for 15 years. And during that time, I’ve gained some valuable insights regarding abuse that may be of help if you’re currently struggling with this situation. But first, it’s important to understand and define what abuse truly is so we can recognize it when it presents itself.
What is Abuse?
We can define abuse as a misbalance of power and control. And the worst part is that it’s very prevalent in our society today. What’s more, it often goes undiscussed in relationships. For this reason, genuine abuse is usually unrecognized by many families and individuals who are experiencing it. If you think of abuse as black eyes, pulled hair, etc., the numbers are different.
However, Tiffany (my wife) and I go wherever an advantage is being taken advantage of. And the sad reality is that this is a common occurrence in many Canadian households and relationships.
Generational Dysfunction
There are a significant number of men (and people in general) who come from and grew up in dysfunctional situations. However, many of them choose to live differently as they mature and are able to look beyond their chaotic upbringings to find safety in their new relationships. My football hero, Anthony Calvillo—who I got to meet—grew up in domestic abuse, no different than myself.
He said that he was not going to be defined by domestic abuse; he was going to be influenced by it (he couldn’t change that). And that’s the significant difference that I’ve encountered: Are we going to be defined by domestic abuse or influenced by it?
Help is Available
Regardless of where you are in your domestic abuse recovery, resources are available to help you. And it’s important to get the help you need. A major difficulty many people have is simply reaching out and asking for assistance in their time of need. We help men and women become the best they can be in order to have healthier relationships and better quality lives.
How We Help Men
One of our services that has really taken off is our 30-week Beyond Belief program. It’s designed for men who are seeking to be the husbands, fathers, and leaders that they were created to be. It’s an amazing group of men. And it’s a huge commitment: We meet every Thursday night. I’ve found this program to be even better than marriage counselling in providing domestic leadership.
How We Help Women
We also help women in dysfunctional relationships. That could include anything from struggling to feel happy at home to something as serious as domestic abuse. My wife Tiffany also has a group called Free To Be Me, where she works with ladies who are trying to rediscover themselves. This group was created from a shocking discovery made in the 15 years of helping people…
One of the main reasons a woman files for divorce is often a sense of ‘losing herself’ in the marriage. So, we’ve designed a program to help ladies recapture who they are, regardless of where they are. It’s not so much about “improvement” as much as it is about confirmation that they’re okay.
Conclusion
You don’t have to be defined by abuse. You don’t have to let it control your life. And, of course, we understand that is easier said than done. For this reason, we’re here to help. At Certified Flourishing Coach, our team of expert coaches and facilitators offer special, evidence-based training programs that can help you overcome your trauma. So, if you’re ready to flourish in your life, then contact us today to learn more.
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About the Author
Roy Mitton is the Co-Founder and Ministry Director of Your Thriving Family and Masquerade Ministries. For over a decade, Roy has been on the frontline helping families and individuals get from where they are to where they want to be. Roy is known for his passion and unwavering support and is a Certified Flourishing Life Coach, authority in Domestic Abuse Intervention (DAIP Certified), and a Licensed Minister.
Along with his wife, Tiffany, Roy founded Masquerade Ministries and Your Thriving Family in 2009, which are organizations committed to creating thriving families, couples and individuals through healthy relationships.
Roy runs multiple group coaching experiences: Beyond Belief, Peacemakers, Free to Be Me, and Overcomers. These are transformational communities that are focused on going beyond limiting beliefs, and developing the skills and mindsets that create limitless possibilities to flourish.
Roy has a unique approach that positively impacts those he helps. His skills, coupled with overcoming such life struggles as family abuse and life experience transformation, make Roy an invaluable asset to be on your team.
Roy is excited about being a Facilitator for the Certified Flourishing Coaching™ Program because he can see that as people, leaders, relationships, families and businesses flourish, this transformation can catalyze a global shift in how we interact, relate, and overcome. Roy facilitate the Certified Flourishing Coaching™ Program in Central Alberta.
Roy currently calls Red Deer, Alberta, his home and lives with Tiffany and their two children.