It’s possible to heal after experiencing trauma. I was a daughter of a woman who was only 16 years old when she was pregnant with me. And back in the day, that wasn’t really an acceptable thing. So, it was a life-changing situation for her. She was kicked out of her home and out of high school. My grandfather has also sent away my biological father. So, my mother was a single mom. That was my beginning. And those early experiences shaped me in unsuspecting ways. 

My Experience With Early Childhood Trauma

I speak on trauma a lot. And the reason is that as a child, I always felt as though I wasn’t wanted—like I was a burden. My mom was an alcoholic when she was pregnant with me, and she’s still suffering from her addiction. As a result, much of my life was about being small and invisible. And it all came to a climax when I had an altercation with my mom where my (usually passive) stepfather had intervened and beaten me. 

And I thought: If a man is going to start beating me, I’m out of here. Before that day, he had never touched me. But this was the first time I ever stood up to my mom; he saw that as “disrespectful.” I ended up at the bottom of the stairs, two stories down from where he had thrown me. Nobody came to pick me up or check on me. 

So, I packed my bags and took my babysitting money. I was 17 in grade 12, and had no idea where life would lead me from there. All I knew was that I wasn’t going back. A lovely family soon took me in and let me finish grade 12. I knew that education would help me get out of that situation. I didn’t want to be a part of poverty, addiction, or abuse. 

Education seemed to be the way out of that, so I ensured I finished my high school education. However, during that time, I still struggled financially. There was even a period when I lived in my car. But I was determined to break the cycle. I knew that poverty limits the experiences you can have in life. 

How Trauma Effected My Family And Marriage

I got married at 23 and was in that marriage for 28 years. My husband and I were together for 34 years—however, everything dissolved during covid. I can speak to many of the things that happened in that marriage, which resulted from my childhood experiences. My marriage replicated the feeling of being small. 

I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, and I actually got to do that (which I was super grateful for). But as much as it was something I wanted to do, it replicated my childhood experiences of being small—staying quiet and “behind the scenes.” 

I have three children, and I never thought I could make the same mistakes with them that my mom made with me. But I did, and I started to repeat some of those patterns. It was unforgivable to me. I didn’t have a lot of compassion for myself because I didn’t have addiction issues or limitations with my income. 

So, how could I possibly repeat these behaviours?

Starting My Healing Journey

My healing journey began when my oldest son was about six years old. At that age, kids gain a little more independence as they receive other forms of influence from teachers and school peers. This didn’t sit well with me as I was a very fear-based parent. It all hit home for me when I was in an anxious state. My son was late for school, and I grabbed him a little too hard to rush out the door. I ended up leaving marks on his arm. 

When my husband saw this when he returned from work, he gently invited me to seek counseling. That’s when I found Denise, my counselor, mentor, and teacher. She was the first person that made me feel seen and heard—she held space for me. As a result, I felt hope for the first time that I could conquer my fears and stop the cycles of trauma. 

It became a 12-year journey of systematic healing. 

What to Consider on Your Healing Journey

One of the most essential components of your healing journey is to be witnessed. You have to journey with somebody. Yes, it’s in relationship where we’re harmed, but it’s also in relationship where we’re healed and redeemed. Being part of the Flourishing team since 2013 has been expansive for me. I came in wanting to do something really impactful and powerful, and the catalyst for that desire was having people to collaborate with and be witnessed. 

And that led to my personal philosophy that we as people need to be seen, heard, and believed. And that’s (emotionally) as important as having food, water, and oxygen. My healing came when someone held space for me with compassion and empathy. They were non-judgmental and really just heard me. 

And that’s what I bring to my clients. I ensure that I hold space for them because I know that we have psychological permission to hold space for ourselves when space is held for us. 

Final Thoughts

You are perfectly made and perfectly intact. For this reason, you have to love yourself unconditionally. No matter what happens to you, the core of who you are is unchanged. If you care for and love yourself, then who you are and who you came here to become is always possible. You are deserving, valuable, and lovable. And when you genuinely own those innate qualities, you can step into everything that God has created you to be. If you need assistance with this process, we can help. 

At Certified Flourishing Coach, we are a team of certified coaches who can help you break through the limitations that may have been holding you back for years. We operate from a proven, evidence-based framework to support your professional and personal development. So, if you’re ready to flourish in life, contact us today to learn more. 

About the Author

My story begins with being born to a 17-year-old child who was sent away from her home on announcement of my conception with my 23-year-old father. Surviving her attempt of aborting me, my mother’s coping mechanism became addiction, never recovering from the abandonment (and addictions) of both her father and mine.

I was ‘unwanted’ from conception and have spent all of my adult life recovering from that very initial trauma.

I am not a victim of that beginning, but the realities of that tough start leave me well versed in poverty, neglect, abuse (mental, physical, spiritual, and sexual) and the generational inheritance of her trauma.

My deep aspiration in this lifetime founded by my very personal healing journey lead me to my counseling and coaching education and allows me the privilege to advocate, educate and inspire changes in the way people parent today.

As the once child and now parent of 3 adult children, I have decades of wisdom from the good, bad and ugly times that I want to share with you.

I come to walk with you, beside you, having trial-and errored many, many ways of ‘being’.

I have no judgements towards the vast mistakes I have made along my way, I was simply surviving .

My ‘apparent’ failures on my journey including: leaving home at 17 (ironically the same age as my mother) to, most recently, a divorce from a 30-year marriage. These are simply the live, real-time human experiences that were my teachers, and the lessons learned were immense.

Having endured relentlessly, I am passionate about paying forward the insights I have gained to ensure something different for you and your relationships and families.

I am honest and vulnerable, I am tough but loving. I bring passion to my real-life lessons and hopefully inspire a new way of being in your life.

What a pleasure to meet you 
Sandra