Maybe you have friends or family like that—or had a similar upbringing but ended up on entirely different trajectories. This comes down to our choices. People on both ends of the spectrum of success and failure had to choose whether to build resilience or not. And I believe building personal resilience makes all the difference. The best part? It’s not innate; resilience is a muscle that anyone can build. 

In this article, I will discuss three things they never told you about building personal resilience. Keep reading to learn more. 

1. Self-Talk: The Power of Your Words

Every single one of us has a voice in the back of our heads. And that voice either empowers you by singing your praises or could be the worst voice over all the other voices in your life. And I can tell you when that voice is speaking in a way that lifts you up and supports you, it becomes much easier to develop resilience than with the opposite voice. Why is that? Because your words create worlds. 

The Bible says that “in the beginning, God created heavens and the earth. Then God SAID ‘Let there be light.’” In other words, the entire world was created with words. A single word can last a moment, but its impact can ripple for a lifetime. Every one of us has those words in us. Maybe it was said by a teacher, family member, or coach.

And then those words have the ability to impede or hinder your ability to build resilience. Why? Because your words are within you. They are a part of your inner dialogue, your self-talk. And that’s what influences every facet of your life. 

So, my invitation to you, friend, is to use the power of your own words to speak abundance, prosperity, and well-being into your life. 

2. Self-Care: Emotional Regulation

Now, when I speak about self-care, I’m not talking about bubble baths, dark chocolate, and Himalayan salt. Go ahead and do those things if you feel they’re useful. However, what I’m referring to is emotional regulation. The best form of self-care that can stabilize your mental health and well-being is emotional regulation. This can be comparable to vehicle ownership. When you have a car, you need to maintain whatever it is you drive. 

Vehicles take a lot of abuse on busy roadways. Highways (or even suburban areas) have dirt, rocks, potholes, and a whole host of other sediment flying on your vehicle. That’s why, for every certain amount of kilometers, I bring my vehicle to a mechanic to get serviced. 

Why? Because I care about my vehicles and I want to make sure they’re properly maintained so I can continue driving them. Now, I want you to think about that analogy in the context of your own emotions and thought life. 

Many of us fail to build resilience because we’re emotionally dysregulated. What does that mean? It means we’re just off—we’re not feeling like ourselves. We don’t feel grounded, at peace, or in a place of calmness. In fact, many times, we’ll feel the opposite. 

We’ll feel anxious, concerned, or worried. That is emotional dysregulation. And depending on what’s actually taking place within you, sure, you may need to see a therapist or a psychologist. But generally speaking, for most of us, we just need our maintenance. 

When I think of emotional regulation, I have a three-step process that has helped me a lot over the years. You’ve probably heard it: stop, drop, and roll. Let’s break these steps down in a little more detail.

• Stop: Stop for a moment to see what’s happening and to assess what you’re thinking and feeling. 
• Drop: Drop what you’re thinking and feeling if it’s harming you. You only want to entertain thoughts that service you, that empower you.
• Roll: Roll with it with breath. Take a moment to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth to release that tension, worry, and anxiety.

I do this about 15 or 20 times a day; it’s just good emotional regulation: Stop, drop, and roll. I don’t want to find myself in a position where my “vehicle” is not being maintained.

3. Social Support: Stay Connected

Social support is the idea of healthy relationships; you and I are not meant to become resilient all by ourselves, although it would be wonderful if we could. The truth, however, is that people thrive best when they’re in a safe community. So, if you’re wondering how you can develop more resilience, you should ask yourself: What kind of community of social support are you putting yourself in? 

If you surround yourself with stressed-out, anxious, and non-resilient people, it will be difficult for you to grow resilient in your own life. The only thing that really matters in your life is your relationships with other people. This means you have to stay connected, be vulnerable, and get help when you need it. 

Final Thoughts

Personal resilience is not an innate characteristic; it’s a trait we can all develop over time by taking the right action steps. And those action steps have been listed in this article. But if you need additional assistance with the concept of resilience, we can help. At Certified Flourishing Coach, we are an expert team of coaches who work from a science-based approach to personal and professional development. 

Our system is proven to facilitate flourishing in everything from entrepreneurship and creativity to high performance and workplace mental health. So, if you’re ready to flourish in life, contact us today to learn more.

About the Author

Abe Brown, MBA, CMCT, CPHSA is the Coach’s Coach, and is an Entrepreneur, Professional Speaker, International Best-Selling Author, and High-Performance Leadership Coach. He is the founder of Certified Flourishing Coaching™ and Flourishing Workplace. Abe is also the author of the Certified Flourishing Coaching™ Programs.