Our mission is to change the world by changing the workplace.
For this reason, understanding what makes a toxic and healthy workplace what they are is essential. Moreover, we’ve discovered that the solution to a toxic workplace is creating a healthy one. There was a philosopher and writer by the name of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe who once said, “I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element…”
That would be a great mantra to begin saying. I know it’s been a wonderful mantra I’ve been using for the past few years now.
I used to say horrible mantras like, “I suck, I don’t have any power, I don’t have any opportunity to change, I’m never going to get anywhere, etc.” And that was just kind of lame if I’m being honest. And so today, we’re talking about personal awareness and management.
Why Personal Awareness and Management Matters
So many of us are trying to manage our businesses, finances, relationships, kids, etc., but what we really need to focus on is managing ourselves.
And to put this through the lens of the workplace, ask yourself this question: What impact could sadness, emotional heaviness, despair, hopelessness, and not learning to emotionally regulate have on the workplace? In today’s society (this is especially prevalent on social media), it’s almost like there’s an infrastructure committed to keeping us in crisis.
Our emotions are constantly in a high state of alert because we’re tapping into an environment (our phones, society, etc.) that keeps us in that place of crisis.
When we’re in crisis, it doesn’t bring us closer together; it actually causes us to push one another away. If this happens, our ability to navigate our emotional highs and lows becomes compromised, and we’ll struggle to reach success. So, not only do we isolate ourselves, but we have these emotional fluctuations that we have difficulty regulating.
And when your emotional wellness declines in this regard, you don’t feel happy, healthy, or holistically balanced.
Understanding Emotional Regulation for a Healthy Workplace Culture
Emotional regulation is not suppressing, repressing, or compressing.
It’s when your emotions are outside the zone of your control. I am not suggesting that you can always control what you feel in the moment. But you can control whether that emotion rules you or if you manage it to return to a place of emotional wellness. I often try to explain this to people using time differentials.
6 Seconds, 90 Seconds, 20 Minutes
Imagine for a moment the difference between 6 seconds, 90 seconds, and 20 minutes.
Did you know that the chemicals released during an amygdala hijack take about 6 seconds to dissipate? An amygdala hijack essentially means that your emotions have been triggered by someone or something, and your logical reasoning has been momentarily paused.
It’s where you have the fight, flight, or freeze response (we’ve all been there).
But the truth is that if we can just weather that 6-second storm and control that emotional burst, the negative emotions will begin to dissipate. So, the next time you feel yourself get triggered, stop, relax, breathe, and take a moment to think about something else if possible.
It doesn’t mean all the emotional turmoil will disappear instantly.
However, you’ll find that the emotional intensity will be reduced and subside much quicker than if you brewed in and allowed those negative emotions to fester inside you.
Harvard brain scientist Jill Bolte said, “90 seconds is all it takes to identify an emotion and allow it to dissipate while you simply notice it.”
The Necessity of De-escalation
For many years, I was the Director of Programs for the largest homeless shelter in North America. We would have 1200, 1300, or even 1400 people a night. I would have knives, baseball bats, and all kinds of weapons pulled on me because people would come in hepped up on substances or whatever else they were using that day.
As a result, these people were stressed out, which meant de-escalating situations was a constant challenge. If someone came in asking for a sandwich, and we ran out of them 30 minutes ago, they would pull out a weapon and threaten your life.
In this situation, you have two choices: Take your chances with the guy with a baseball bat or de-escalate the situation.
Anyone (with a bit of intelligence) will choose the latter. But then that raises the question: How do you de-escalate a tense, potentially life-threatening situation?
The Power of Empathy in Stressful Workplace Situations
I’ve discovered that empathy is a powerful tool for de-escalation. In the homeless shelter scenario, empathy took the form of me telling people that—even though we were out of sandwiches (or whatever food item they were asking for)—I would find them something to eat.
As soon as I said that, their emotions and my threat response would calm.
But you don’t see that in the workplace today. Instead, the toll of unregulated emotion seems to take control. Now, hey, if that’s you, I empathize. Creating a flourishing workplace is tricky because it’s not the system, spreadsheet, or software—it’s the people.
So, what I would suggest is that the next time you’re triggered, take that 6-second rule. And just don’t say anything for 6 seconds.
Then, recognize that you have another 90 seconds to name that emotion and let it fade. And then that’s where 20 minutes comes in. It only takes 20 minutes for that fight or flight response to dissipate and for you to calm down psychologically.
Now, you may wonder what any of this has to do with the workplace; it has everything to do with the workplace. The reason is that we have workplaces where people are pulling their hair out because they can’t seem to regulate their emotions.
With that in mind, here are a few simple tips to help you emotionally regulate:
3 Best Practices for Emotional Regulation
These 3 simple steps will help you to better navigate your emotions (as well as the emotions of others) in the workplace.
1. Quality Sleep
This is really important. When you are exhausted, you are an emotional fuse ready to blow. And that’s just because when you’re tired, you become irritable. It’s not because you’re a “bad person”; you’re just exhausted and don’t have much fuel in the tank. As a result, you’re kind of running on fumes, if you will.
As an example, I recently became a father again with the birth of my son, who is now 8 months old (as of this writing). He is such a happy-go-lucky child, but when he’s tired, he becomes a different human. And all he needs to become that beautiful, playful baby boy again is a simple nap.
2. Better Nutrition
There are many chemicals in food today, and some of those chemicals can get you emotionally hepped up. Now, I’m a big fan of caffeine; I think it’s fine. However, one of its downsides is that it keeps you in a heightened state. As a result, you need balance in your diet, and that’s where proper nutrition comes in.
You need to ensure you’re getting enough fresh fruits and vegetables. Keep your blood sugar levels stable. If all you’re consuming is ice cream, cheesecake, and cookies, of course, your emotions will be all over the place. Emotional regulation comes with a healthy, well-balanced diet full of nutritious foods.
3. Exercise
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been tired, angry, stressed, or just kind of lonely and sad, and I instantly experience a shift in my mood after simply moving my body. The science is clear…
Exercise releases all of the feel-good chemicals in your brain, shifting your emotional state as a result. So, you can either sit and stew in your misery or you can exercise.
Next Step: Book a Discovery Session Today
At Flourishing Workplace, we believe in workplaces where everyone thrives, everyone belongs, and everyone contributes. If you’re ready to finally see a flourishing workplace, we can help. We’ll provide a detailed roadmap with proven steps to help your workplace thrive. So, contact us today to book your discovery session.
About the Author
Abe Brown, MBA, CMCT, CPHSA is the Coach’s Coach, and is an Entrepreneur, Professional Speaker, International Best-Selling Author, and High-Performance Leadership Coach. He is the founder of Certified Flourishing Coaching™ and Flourishing Workplace. Abe is also the author of the Certified Flourishing Coaching™ Programs.